Of late, different people I’ve talked to have
asked me about items on my “bucket list” that I’ll do once my health has been
restored.The most common item suggested
to me has been running a marathon.I can
tell you right now, that won’t happen.Running has zero appeal for me.
In truth, I don’t have a “bucket list” of
items I want to accomplish before I die.That said, I do have subjects I want to delve into, activities I’d like
to try, skills I’d like to learn, places I wish to visit, people I’d like to
meet, and more.
But, there is no panic or urgency to those
wishes and desires.If I don’t ever get
to do any of the items, I won’t in any way feel like a failure, or that my life
has been a waste.
I certainly don’t need to accomplish
anything to “prove” to myself what I am capable of doing.Due to past experiences and illnesses (I have
gone through this before), I know with certainty that I am more than capable of
doing whatever I decide I want to do – usually the real challenge has been deciding
what I want to do!
As well, I know how far I can push myself –
I wouldn’t still be on my feet at all if I didn’t know that, nor would you be
reading each issue of The Chautauqua. Not long ago, I had a friend
tell me I sure don’t act like someone who is convalescing from a serious
I have also learnt what happens when I push
myself too much!Or at least what
happens when I push myself in the wrong direction for me.
So, I think the message is not that I need
to heal so I can conquer the world - though I am still working at that in my
own fashion - and accomplish items on a “list,” but rather, that I need to stop
pushing, achieving, and doing.
Slowing down, stepping out of the norm, not
following the generalsocietal
consensus, and marching to my own beat seem to be what is working for me.And why not, since that is who I really am at
And who knows...maybe when I feel more
energetic, I may change my mind and create a bucket list after all?If I do, I still won’t add running to the
Ever notice how much easier it is to give
The cliché “what you resist persists” must
have been coined just for me as it is more true than I ever want to admit.
I want my body to heal in MY way, on MY
timetable, at MY convenience.Ha!My body and life don’t seem to realize their
role in this whole journey, or they do and are completely ignoring me.
Thus, I have finally realized that I can’t
make my body heal through the sheer force of my incredible will.In fact, the more will power I exert, the
longer everything takes.
So, I’m giving in…I surrender.
Please note: that does NOT mean that I’m
giving up!It means I will not fight
what is happening any more.
When I have a setback, I will weather through
it.I will no longer try to fight my way
out, or stress myself trying to figure what triggered it.
My body is obviously healing in its own way,
on its own timetable.My life is changing
in its own way, on its own timetable.All I can do is step out of the way and allow things to happen as they
I will now take each moment as it comes.Or at least do my best.I know I’ll probably forget more times than
I’ll care to admit as habits are hard to break, and this is a lot easier to say
than it is to practice.
But maybe, just maybe, easing the pressure on
myself to heal the way I think I should, will bring about the healing I want to
experience.It’s worth a shot, since MY
way hasn’t been too effective so far.
OnChristmas Eve I noticed the clouds looked just like a pair of
outstretched angel wings which filled the entire eastern sky for a moment.
This new year I invite you to stretch your
own personal wings.You don’t even have
to do anything wild or outrageous.Just
stop adding unnecessary baggage to who you already are. (Eckhart Tolle)
You may find it the most risky thing you’ve
ever done in your life...to just be yourself exactly as you are.Not as you think you should be, or someone
else thinks you should be, or even how you want to be.Accept that you are the way you are right
now, and enjoy the new year!
Beth Click here to read the complete issue of The Chautauqua.